My friends, they love my intelligence
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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