maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
