Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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