I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
