I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
