Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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