perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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