what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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