so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
