dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
