please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
