I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
