If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
