After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize