I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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