dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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