have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
