at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
