He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
