homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You may now shotgun with the bride
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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