Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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