OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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