next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
