do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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