Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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