We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
