having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
