the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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