clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
