i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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