I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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