I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
