Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
