So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
