went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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