we have officially lost it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
