Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
