And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Who died my cat blue again?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
