I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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