In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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