Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The adults are the big ones right?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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