is your mom at the bar?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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