remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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