i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
These tits shall not be calmed
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