Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you. Go after that dick
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