I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
