Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
