why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
