Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
