At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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