I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
