she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
