Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
