You really coming over, don't trick.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
