Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
