He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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