I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
