Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
