Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
